I cried today.  I did the whole curling up in a ball and feeling my muscles tighten while trying to control my breathing cry.  It hurt and it hit like a wave, again and again.  In the middle I got lost in what was going on but I just had to keep going.  So I did, and he held me.  I apologized, I laughed, I cried some more.

Some guy at QT thought I was a baker/chef person.

Graduation was absolutely horrible. Massive ew.

June 25th.  I'm not ready..

Well fuck. I was working on preparing myself to be ready for him to leave June 26. And then, in the middle of a run, I find out he's moving this week. Yeah it's not a terrible thing, but I don't want to lose that much time before I have to, and when June 26 arrives I will hardly get any of that time.

Dillons called. I finally got somebody to call me back on my application, about damn time. Two full-time jobs is going to be greatly appreciated as I work my life away until Manhattan.

I'm gradually becoming known as the bitch. Yay me for being bluntly honest in a way that appears polite and respectful, but if you fuck up, I'm going to tell you what failed. That's not so terrible, is it? Maybe if some people practiced integrity I wouldn't get pissed to the point of calling them out on it. Oh well.

The 5th is the best day of each month, btw.

I don't remember when I last blogged. Did I mention Military Ball? It was magical. No, seriously. That was one of the best nights I've ever experienced. How about Prom? It was alright.. Not quite what I expected, but of course that's just not quite my scene. However, I did look quite astonishing all done up. I have potential to be attractive, but I'll save that for the special occasions and stick with the comfortable appearance.

Awards Ceremony. Yeah, I was really excited for it. I was looking forward to maybe getting something for everything I have done. Well, I sat there and watched as people that weren't as qualified received medals and awards. It was majorly lame telling people to show some respect and shut their mouths while I could understand where the comments came from. Besides, I desperately needed to pee. Afterwards we gathered on the drill pad for the reception, and that's when I started to get emotional. It's ending, and yet just beginning. I don't care much for the corps and awards pissed me off, but leaving what opportunities it has given me is hard.

And he was just so happy. I got to see him excited about the corps for once. He hasn't been like that since the beginning of last semester. I'm so proud of him; I'm just not ready for him to leave.

So everything is tossed into the bag, ready to be returned tomorrow morning. I know I'll be returned to this life in a few months, but it's different people, a different place, different experiences. I'm excited, and I'm scared. And to think, I haven't even made it to graduation yet! Geeze..That'll be an emotional one. Yay for being a female.

I find it highly entertaining just how vain people truly are. Example: reading something and automatically assuming you're the one being referenced. You're just not that special, sorry.

I'm a legal adult. That makes me feel like such a little kid when I tell people that. I've been the mature one for the past few years, and then all of a sudden when I'm supposed to be all grown-up and adult-like, I feel like a freaking little kid again. Give me a few years, and then I may consider myself to be an adult. I've still got some learning and experiencing to go on in the meantime.

Heh, the cold hearted one feels like a sister to me. It's awesome.

One month of classes left. One tiny little month to fit so much into and then it all ends, just to resume in three months disguised as college. Maybe I'm a bit excited and ready for those big new buildings, maybe I'm a bit apprehensive about the classes and coursework, and maybe I'm just not wanting to leave these few people. I finally learned how to grow attached to people again, and now we have to put this stuff to the distance test. Lame.

I'm sick. Ew. Maybe if I end up in the hospital unable to breathe they will finally get the idea and quit smoking in the house and the car. Besides, it's disgusting.

Oh, my birthday was amazing. Homemade cake (with candles!), people, food, Easter, food, people, meds. Hahaha.

Tomorrow is my first ever party, birthday style, and I will have my first ever cake-with-candles to blow out and make a wish. Oh shit, I just remembered the wish factor.. Aha. I know what it will be.

The day after, Easter, I turn 18. A legal adult. I've been living on my own for three years, handling everything by myself (a lot of forged signatures and false information), and in two days that changes.

Oh, and Mr. Smoker, please be kind and keep the second-hand smoke away from me. I'm allergic, and I'm not exactly fond of waking up with a swollen throat, pain everywhere. Besides, the smell is disgusting.